Why Your Strong-Willed Child is a Blessing. Trigger Warning: Abuse Mentioned.

 Why Your Strong-Willed Child is a Blessing.

“Strong-willed children often grow into strong-willed adults who become world leaders, world shapers, and world changers. Parenting them peacefully is not only possible, it’s imperative because sowing peace in their hearts now while they’re in our care will grow a future of peace later when the world is in their care.”

― L.R. Knost.

Trigger Warning: abuse is discussed in this article.

At the beginning of my parenting journey, my children were very well-behaved. They were well-mannered and obedient, and they “did as they were told.” Great right? I am not so sure.

When my biggest children were still little, I became increasingly aware that they were blindly following authority and it bothered me. I did not want my kids to be drones who plod through life, I want them to think, feel and do.

I remember years ago being present at an assembly where a decent, churchgoing, hard-working council member was speaking. He was telling the children to listen to adults and always do what they are asked to do.

Major alarm bells sounded off in my brain. I was a young, childless teacher at the time, but had worked with enough at-risk children to know how dangerous that message can be. Why? Because as much as we hope it does not happen, some adults prey on children. They rely on the fact that we are raising very well-behaved, quiet, obedient children who will not stand up against an authoritative figure who was doing something 'wrong.'

There was a case in America where a whole fast-food restaurant was tricked by a guy on the phone pretending to be a police officer. There was even a movie (Compliance) made about how he managed to manipulate the staff to such a degree that it leads to the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of one of the 18-year-old female workers over many hours.

My husband and I were so horrified that we then began to teach our kids very differently. We now teach them that it is ok to say no to ANYONE! Whether a teacher, a police officer, a child, or any adult. If their instincts and gut tell them that something is strange or wrong, then they can say no and seek further help. We have said that if it is at school, then they phone us. If we are unavailable (which would be exceedingly rare indeed) then they have a list of safe people to call who are on the school’s records.

This does not mean that we encourage them to be disrespectful and rude, not at all! The same principles, standards, and ethics apply, and we hold them to the foundational pieces that our family is built upon. The key to success is how we treat and interact with each other and if we truly want to position our children as future leaders, this part of their education is essential.
Teaching our kids to think for themselves and to have confidence in their instincts is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. I am very mindful of the phrases that I use now and try to keep ‘do as you’re told’ out of the equation as it’s not a message that I necessarily want my kids to receive.

Ideas for keeping your kids safe:

• Discuss what is ok and what is not ok in age-appropriate terms with your child. We told our children that even we, their parents, were not allowed to touch them (even for normal shows of affection or for medicinal purposes) without their permission. It is their body, nobody else’s, and their explicit consent is needed. Always use the correct terms and names when talking about body parts.
• Teaching and modeling that adults are not always right, even adults in positions of authority, is vital. Teach your children to be free thinkers and to have the courage to speak up when they feel something is not right.
• We role-play situations and came up with many possible reasons a person in authority could use to persuade kids to do something they did not want to. Things like getting into trouble (which my kids hate to be in) or that we, their parents might get into trouble is a big one.
• Teach them to trust their gut. That is their instincts guiding them. Model this behavior in your daily life.
• Teach consent. We taught our kids what consent means and that it could be withdrawn at any time. One of our boys then revealed that he did not like us tickling him and that in the moment of play, we did not stop when he asked. I was mortified, but he was exactly right! By thinking that it was fun, and we were just messing around together and continuing to do it, I was teaching him that his consent did not matter. Epic failure on my part. It never happened again.
• No means no
• Read books about child safety with your kids.
• Encourage your children to stand their ground when appropriate. We allow our kids to stand in their power in interactions with us in a safe environment so that they can grow that muscle and be ready to use it in life.
• Listen to your kids and talk about a variety of different things so they feel comfortable talking to you. And do it often because communication is key.
• Let your kids know that it is ok to question things and not blindly follow. This is vital in keeping them safe.
• Always trust your instincts and your kids will follow in your footsteps.

– Cathy.

Compliance Movie: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1971352/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk