'Tis The Season: How Our World Can Be More Inclusive To Adults and Children With Neurodivergent Abilities During The Holidays
'Tis The Season: How Our World Can Be More Inclusive To Adults and Children With Neurodivergent Abilities During The Holidays
As a parent to 5 amazing neurodiverse humans, I have learned that dancing with a world that you often find overwhelming can be challenging at times. There is an intricate process of stepping forward, and stepping back as your sensory overload will allow, and the holidays are no exception.
It has been our experience as a family that others are not dismissive of our different social parameters, but rather, they are not fully aware of them. It has been my experience as a parent that when I have been courageous enough to communicate our journey to others, they have stepped forward and have wanted to be supportive and inclusive. Teaching other families how to advocate for their children to unlock each child’s greatness is an important facet of the work I have been doing as a parenting expert for the last 20 years.
When planning a social event, I suggest being brave by reaching out and asking your guests what might make them feel more comfortable and included, as everyone wants to feel seen, heard, understood, and valued. Fun is enhanced when more people can be included, and we can learn so much from each other by widening our awareness and experience of differences, as we are all looking for connection and belonging. Awareness and our willingness to be inclusive is key.
Here are a few tips on how we can collectively create a more inclusive holiday season for the children (and adults) in our midst:
Take some time to do research. There are so many amazing podcasts, articles, and discussions out there on the experiences of those with neurodivergent abilities to better understand the elements we could consider to enhance the experiences of our guests.
Understand that each neurodiverse person is a unique individual. Each person will have their own likes and dislikes. It is so important that you see each person as an individual who has an experience that belongs to them.
Create an inclusive space for guests. Understanding that environment is often the key to a great experience, it would be great to consider this as you plan events.
Consider the sensory needs of all. If you are hosting a holiday party where dance music will be played, consider allocating part of the budget to hiring individual headsets so that the music can be transmitted into the headsets. Those who wish to partake in the music can control the volume with which they receive it, while others can choose to be present, avoiding the music altogether. Also, spend a little time thinking about the lighting. Softer lighting is often a great option to make the environment inviting for all.
Offer a combination of individual and collective activities for your guests. Consider the activities that have been planned. Are there games that can be played both individually and together?
Carve out quiet “nooks” for those needing respite from the larger group. Having some quiet, darker, comfortable places available for neurodiverse guests to retreat to if overwhelmed occurs.
Openly share the event itinerary with guests to prepare and process it ahead of time. Educating your neurotypical guests on what the plan is for your event and why, often increases understanding, empathy, and inclusivity.
Find ways to proactively communicate the varying participation levels for a holiday’s events to reduce possible stress or triggers. Create an agreement within your community to easily identify who is participating, and who is respectfully choosing not to participate.
For example, for Christmas events involving the singing of Christmas carols, create ready-to-print-off templates of posters with a green Christmas tree and the wording “YES” to indicate participation from carolers and a red Christmas tree and the wording “NO THANK YOU” to politely opt out of receiving the gift of song from Christmas carolers. These posters can be easily identifiable and attached to the front door, or at the front gate to communicate your home’s level of participation in holiday caroling traditions. This avoids any stressful and unwanted door knocking or bell ringers that may unknowingly intrude into the experience of another.
The same can be done by placing different colored painted pumpkins outside of a home before Halloween trick-or-treating festivities. Teal denotes that the home is inclusive to those with food allergies, dark blue suggests that the home is inclusive to autism considerations, and purple communicates to others that the home is friendly to those with epilepsy. All are great conversation starters as well within your community, educating others and lending themselves to inclusivity.
Understand food allergies and sensitivities ahead of any holiday festivities, and plan accordingly. Food can prove challenging for some folks as it can create sensory overload. It would be worth considering reaching out and asking your guests if they have any preferences, or if there are some foods that they prefer to avoid. Once you’ve gathered this information, it would be a wonderful gesture to place the foods they are comfortable with within reach of where they are seated. This would help with any anxiety tied to accessing the dishes they prefer, and avoiding the logistics of trying to reach them from across the other side of the table. If you are having a buffet-style celebration, it could be supportive to ask your neurodivergent guests if they would like to take the first pass at the table while things are quiet. When arranging a seating plan, it could be a thoughtful idea to seat your neurodivergent guests near an exit so that if they needed to remove themselves from the gathering for a moment, they could do so discreetly.
Happy Holidays!
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